Thursday, May 8, 2014

Pug Earns Street Cred

At approximately 2:30 PM CST yesterday, a vivacious pug named Lily darted from the door of her East Texas owner's home when she spotted a neighborhood stray, known locally as "Mama dog", at play with a pint-sized sidekick.

Mama D interpreted the pug's approach as a sign of aggression and immediately attacked, thrashing the confused, blunt-faced pup in her jaws while the victim tried in vain to defend herself with a mouth mostly designed for extracting cotton stuffing from vintage teddy bears with missing eyes. 

Upon witnessing the dusty scuffle, the pug's owner began repeatedly shouting "NO!" and broke into an adrenaline-fueled run toward the canine combatants. Asked whether he intended to bite the dog like a mother reportedly did to protect her child recently, the owner replied "No, but I have been practicing my gangster kick for years after seeing the move perfected on many a mob flick featuring Joe Pesci, now get the f*ck outta heah or I'll practice it on you, capiche?"

Sensing that the proud pug-owner's adrenaline had not yet worn off, the author retreated inside to write a blog post about the incident later that night, during which he realized he was also the pug-owner and moved on to the next paragraph to avoid an awkward moment.

After the dogfight, in which Lily was mostly engaged in an aerial battle, the pug retreated indoors and uncharacteristically resisted the urge to bite the hand that feeds her. The hair around her two puncture wounds was shaved with electric shears while her owner commented in a Dr Evilish voice "There really is nothing like a shorn pug. It's breathtaking. I suggest you try it..."

A short time later, the shaken and stirred pug was rushed to a nearby veterinary clinic to receive a dose of antibiotics for her wounds. Meanwhile the local sheriff deputy arrived to make note of the incident, and to put a warrant out for the would-be pug-killer's arrest. Upon shaking the pug's paw, he asked "Who would want to hurt a cute little thing like that?"

Pug owners in the area are advised to remember the See Pug Run books of their childhood (and the Who Let the Dogs Out song), and to take measures to prevent the running of the pugs from briefly opened doorways.

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